110km/j

If you ask me what's the best part of entering CLP, i'll reply, the freedom of driving. I still have curfew for driving though, but it's getting later, as i always wish. I enjoy driving, especially alone, i'll sing along with the radio, and i can speed up, weeee :p The fastest speed me recorded is 165km/j, and i'm not dare to go beyond it yet. Yea you will probably tell me speeding is dangerous, but i just can't help myself to speed up, can't bear with the tortoise-ish vehicle, especially on a highway, please go to hell for blocking my way! And today i found out the perfect speed for myself, 110km/j, it's definitely not slow but still within the speed limit, fulfill the requirement for me and the people worry for me :p I could not promise you to drive slow, but i'll try to drive safe okie :)

p/s: btw, i'm kind of missing on the car seat :p

A Short Escape.

A day trip to Sekinchan, a short escape that i needed, to get me out of my messy life, temporarily. I've been stucked in all the mess in my life. People will only see me, physically, not knowing my inner complication, guess that i must be hiding it very well. I feel, so-not-me. I no longer can cry so easily, to be exact, i no longer have tears. When i feel like crying, the tears reluctant to fall and there's no other way to express my sorrow, except blogging i guess. I feel numb, can't feel anything inside, or perhaps, the heart is missing. But, thank god i'm still able to smile, is that means i'm gonna face all these with my smile, despite sad or happy :)

I've read a story, a mental patient thought himself as a mushroom, squatting at a corner, not eating or drinking, acted like a real mushroom. Then his psychiatrist, follows him, also squatting beside him. The patient asked the psychiatrist: "Who are you?", the psychiatrist answered:"I'm a mushroom too". The patient nodded and continue to be a mushroom. After a while, the psychiatrist stood up and started to walk around the room, the patient asked: "Aren't you a mushroom, how can you walk around?", the psychiatrist replied: "Why can't a mushroom walk!". The patient found it makes sense, so he also started to walk around. After that, the psychiatrist began to eat, the patient asked again:"How can you eat as a mushroom?", "Mushroom can definitely eat!" the psychiatrist answered. Thus, the patient started to eat too. After a few weeks, the patient is recovered and live like an ordinary people, eventhough he still thinks he is a mushroom. 

We could continue to live with the wounds in the past, as long as the pains do not affected our whole life, we can still carry on, live happily every after. So yea, i'm a mushroom. 

Wounds are recovering, though the scars might leave. Or i should say, the scars will always remain there. There're options of conceal it or leave it and accept it, aikss, i hate scars.

Anyway, to whosoever reading this and thinks i'm not alright, i'm actually fine here :) i'm a tougher mushroom.

p/s: I shall write the whole trip out after i arrange the 1200++ photos, provides that i have the time and mood ><

It must be a good day

I was supposed to be sleeping at this hour, gonna drive a 2 hours journey to Sekinchan later. As usual, i can't sleep, so hard for me to adjust my sleeptime to a normal one, my biological clock works like this since i'm 15. Anyway, i'm going to snap photos, God please grant me a sunny day :)

p/s: I saw my favourite photo of us, it captured the moment. I think of you, my feeling is complicated. But i can't cry, no tears, so i smile, because it happened.

Red Riding Hood

A gothic like renovation to the tale of Red Riding Hood, our childhood story. I can't help myself like it very much, thou the review on this movie isn't so good. I would never say Amanda Seyfried is pretty, but she's stunning here, i'm kind of liking her now. Oh, not to mention, the guys, me loves! Perhaps the movie is directed by the same director of Twilight, my type of irresistible romance, it explains why i'm loving it :)

                                              Who's afraid of the wolf :p      

Have a Blessed Easter!

Domo wanna wish everyone Happy Easter!!

Where's my Easter egg by the way ><

Untitled

I hate this feeling.

It's awful.

Again i do not know the reason.

The reason has better left unknown, i guess.

I had really good days

Yesterday and today

I was supposed to be happy

What the hell am i thinking 

Wth

I should probably get some sleep. 

A day like this..

So close yet so far, i found out the true meaning today ><

The change, that i longed for

The haircut.

*ka cha* 

The scissors sounds.

My heart skips a beat.

The long fringe that used to mean a lot, gone.

p/s: looking forward for the new me? :)

Love and Other Drugs

A movie date, and I quote this from the movie, 

Maggie Murdock: I'm gonna need you more than you need me. 

Jamie Randall: That's okay.
Maggie Murdock: [crying] No it's not! It isn't fair! I have places to go!
Jamie Randall: You'll go there. I just may have to carry you.
Maggie Murdock: ...I can't ask you to do that.
Jamie Randall: You didn't. 

How sweet :)

Ya, I love both Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal, they're cute! 

You meet thousands of people, none of them touch you. And then you meet that one person and your life is changed, forever.


You just gonna admit this.


p/s: i was addicted, was.

Domo, the new toy

Domo's little profile:
Name: Domo
D.O.B: 31 March 2011
Sex: Male
Loves: Foods and travel
Hates: Big sun, water and dirts
About me: Don't you mess with me, i bite!

Sometimes, it just gonna rain..

Had a short chat with you last night, a small talk, study, the recent and the future. All of sudden, tears flow, and i dunno the exact reason for the tears. Perhaps because of your recent unluckiness, nothing seems easy for you ever since you came back. God must be planning to make you a tougher person, for all the problems you have gone through. I always have faith in you, thou you break promise sometimes, but i still believe in you. Perhaps, when you ask me to take care of myself, when you cannot take care of me anymore. I smile to you, told you my mom still gonna take care of me :) I do not know have you ever regretted for coming back, but i do know you miss UK a lot, as much as i do. I was attempted to persuade you to stay, but i failed. You are the reason for me to come home.

I can't help myself started to imagine that if we were still there, we might find a new job or still looking for one, i guess we might move to somewhere else, London maybe, one of my favourite city. We might be still living like we used to be, doing some little crazy stuff, something spontaneously. I might be a wife-to-be, waiting for you to come back from work, making dinner for you, and you'll be making breakfast for me. We can still kiss and hug like no one around on the street, it's not malaysia. Or maybe, we might be struggling for a living, life isn't easy all the time, especially when we gonna work hard to earn for a living. If we were still there, i wanna lying on the park, reading a book with a cup of coffee, or not doing anything, enjoying the cold breeze, and when i need something warm, i'll look for you.

What if... it's kind of beautiful to imagine isn't it? It gone wild, but it's only if. We have made the decision, we can't turn back the time, so we move forward.

I thought my tears dried but it's falling again. It wasn't a bad thing, the tears made me feel human again.
You ask me to pray to God for a good night sleep, i ain't gonna do it, cause i just have something more important to pray for :)

Show Lo's Live Tour 11'

I can never be his fan, i guess. Honestly i really not familiar with his songs at all, was asking my friend about his song before the concert, kind of doing the last minute 'research' :p He is not the best singer or actor, but he is for sure the most hardworking one. Thou this is not the best concert i have watched, but somehow, it touched my heart. From the short video clips showing in the concert, I can see how much the effort he puts in and how he gone through to get what he had now. From nobody to somebody, he shows a very positive attitude, a very good role model for his fans :)

His song, his story.

The song of the night :)

I just couldn't stop myself repeating this song. The melody is beautiful, her voice is comforting, i feel the lyrics.

Perhaps when the eyes are blind and the mouth no longer telling the truth, the feeling of touching is the only thing that is true. 

Me thought...

I'm confused, everything seems to be so real, i'm afraid, my feeling might be wrong, it might be just an illusion. The 12 hours is just like a dream to me, thou i dunno did you feel the same as i feel. Do you know that I actually felt relieved and happy when i was in your hug? :) Sometimes i wonder, where will life take us to, will we stay forever like this? or the story gonna ends one day? There are so many possibilities. I've learned not to question God about it, cause i believe everything happens for a reason. I'm not gonna ask for anything more, cause i'm contented at what i have and what i used to have now.

I took some times, to finally realize, we cannot go back to the past anymore, something changes, so we move on. Times wait for no one. If we are meant to be, we will know it one day. Tell me if you find it out earlier. And I still believe in fairytales, the happy endings, the prince and the princess will live happily ever after. People says life is like a book, we will never know what's gonna happen next, but at least, you are one of my favourite page now. Maybe i'll find my new favourite part in the next chapter, but who knows, you might appear on the next next chapter again.

I smile when i miss you. 

5 days of freedom

I seldom have a chance like this, parents away from home, no one there to control me, i guess this is one of the reason i'm missing UK so much. The first night i went wild, with my dear :) We did not tell anyone about our plan, it was so much fun. Dear said i've changed, ya i do, i'm no longer the shy one on the dance floor. We dance, we shouted, we sang out loud, we had fun. The most crazy part, we went for a foot reflexiology at 4 in the morning. KL doesn't seem to be as dangerous as you and i thought it would be. At least at that moment, i was feeling quite safe. The night didn't just end like that as i still have to fetch my youngest brother to school at 7am. So we officially went to bed around 8am. What a crazy night.

The next day, we had a relaxing evening before sending dear home. I stayed a little while at dear's place, chatting. This is what the besties do that we always dream of :) I decided to skip class last min, just because i wanna have dinner with brothers. The reason is acceptable, isn't it *wink* another pleasant night.

Mun came pick me up on the friday afternoon. Starting the day with a cup of caramel macchiato, perfect :) Waiting for dear to finish class then we went Levain, my favourite hang out spots recently. Having lunch and chatting at such an environment, with the smell of bread, it could not be any better. I was late to my class, because of the stupid KL traffic, but we had fun again on the car, and we establish a new group, GBM, and i shall reveal the reason later. After my class Jinwah came pick three of us up, we almost wanted to go Genting, but ended up at Neway, singing midnight k again. Another night reaching home at 5 in the morning.
I've got your text, still able to make my tears flow easily huh. And yes, i miss you too.

Saturday i was late for lunch with coursemates and class. I didn't hear any alarm that i set from 10am to 12pm. Grrrrrr >< We are good students today, did not skip class :p Meet up with my Angels gang for dinner, they bought me flowers, how lovely :) We had a very late (and i insist the super late delay) celebration of my 2010 birthday and graduation. They made me a scrapbook style of birthday and graduation card, so sweet, and i've got a waterproof lomo camera as present. Weeeee, i'm on cloud nine.

And i've spend a night with you, the day that i've waited so long, but our relationship no longer the same. I wonder what will we do if nothing change, but i just wonder. We gossip for awhile, talked about our life at UK, i'm missing our home, at Bovis, missing the nights we spent at london. I still remember no matter how late, i was still waiting for you to be home, sometimes i'll cook your supper, or i massage you, and we camp at the backyard, all these little happiness, made me smile. I had a dream, i wish i could forever not wake up. Everything seems so real yet i told myself i gotta come back to reality after walking out from the house. I gonna play my part well, and believe me, i will.

Finally, parents home, spent some times talking with them, glad that they enjoy the trip. The funny part is  they accidentally mis-took a captain's luggage. It freaks me out when the airasia officer called me. The careless parents, i guess my carelessness must have been inherited from them :p
These five days is just like a blink of an eye, i could not ask for any better. And here comes another week, another week of plans. Thank god for giving me such a week :)

Running

Honestly, i'm so bad in sports. Jogging is the only sports that do not require any skills, all you have to do is run. But still, i could not run for long, aching in different part of my body. Thou sometime it's really killing me when i jog, feel like fainting anytime, but still i enjoy it. Cause when you run, you can think or not to think anything. I can hear my heartbeat, so clearly, so strong, to prove my heart still functioning well, i'm still alive.

4 in the morning

Having a weird feeling right now, i do not know how to describe it, so i call it weird. It's not lonely, cause i really like to be alone, sometimes. It's not unhappy or being emo thou. Weirdo.

Parents will be leaving to Beijing today, so i'll be free from parents control, for these 5 days. I was actually feeling excited for these days to come, for some reasons :) But i know i'm gonna miss them somehow.

I seem to be too addicted to blog, again, just like last time. Guess that i must be did not express myself enough, so i'm gonna do it here. 

My little happiness of the day, Green Tea frappie :)

My Dream Boots

Alexander McQueen Faithful Boots

I have to say i deeply falling for this at the first time seeing it. Thou i seldom wear heels to torture my feet but this is, perfectly pretty!! If only i could afford this one day..RM500k+

The Monday

I call monday as my weekend, as i do not have class on both monday and tuesday. That's the only two days i could sleep until afternoon, or evening sometimes :p So today is the first time ever i woke up at 8 on a monday morning. I've been feeling sleepy all day, but i guess the reason isn't so much on the part of lack of sleep. I start yawning when i start studying.

It's April now, 4 months left to my CLP exam, i did not know much about what i am studying now. I knew it when i attended the tutorials, i almost knew nothing what the lecturer talking about. It sounds so depressing, but my problem is - i seem not to worry about it at all. This is the worst part, not feeling any pressure or burden to push myself to study!

Thanks to my dear, Mina for willingly accompany me to study. I could not study at home, i know this is a lame excuse but i just couldn't. It's really interesting thou, we keep changing the location for our so-called study group. From Levain to Sunway to Pavilion, and what's next? 

Although we weren't so productive on studying out there, but at least, for me, i studied, thou not much. Haha.. At least i do not waste all my time on some other things :)

Coffee, mac, Domo.. Life would be so much easier without the needs to study ><

After so long...

I used to blog a lot, it's a way for me to express myself, my happiness and unhappiness. But i have lost my mood to blog since the day. I allow myself do nothing, i cried, i shouted, i drove fast, i listen to all the sad songs, i messed up my room and never intend to tidy up, i could not sleep at night cause once i close my eyes, i will start thinking. I was like a zombie, living but actually dying. It should be the hardest moment of my life but thank god, my friends, they are there for me, they accompany me, whatever i wanna do, they will take me to, when i'm down, they'll listen or not listen when i choose not to say anything. They keep my life busy, until i do not have much spare time to think or emo. Because of them, i know i gotta move on, by myself. I know i'm the only one who can stop myself from crying now, and i guess i'm doing it perfectly, i did not cry since the day i disallow myself to cry.

Life is somehow fair, cause when you lost something, you will actually gain something back, or something new.

I'm moving on, so i'm start writing again :)